Tuesday 21 April 2009

March Tour Dundee

Fact - Dundee is a fucking shithole.
The only thing in Dundee worth a shit about is this huge pirate ship. If anybody in Dundee had any sense they would launch that fucker and get out of there. Dundee seems so far removed from the modern world its almost as if time has stood still and will be forever stood still, its like an abyss. We played with this band (of fools) called Shotgun Libido, a glam rock band from the middle of nowhere, where aberdeen angus just roam around, looking like Motley Crew just wiped their cocks all over them. The drummer, in his eternal wisdom, took it upon himself to use my snare drum and then ruin the skin (i've been quite bitter about the whole thing ever since). Anyway, it was a pretty turd night and a well
bum way to end the tour, so we robbed refreshments from ever other service station from Dundee to Manchester to make ourselves feel better.

March Tour Glasgow

On the way to Glasgow we came across a huge lake, a huge snow topped mountain and a huge forest, so we drove into the middle of the forest and walked around pretending we were in Sunn O)))) and took this picture to prove to you that we walk in forests when we can.

We then drove to Glasgow and played a show to about zero people. But we got to stay with these really cool people and we stayed up all night playing Articulate until everyone got bored of me winning and generally being mint.

The next day our lovely host took us round Glasgow to the Kevingrove Art Gallery which was nothing short of amazing and I got tricked into thinking that a haggis is a real life animal, damn those Scots and there practical jokes. We also found an Oxfam music shop which saw the purchase of Bon Jovi - Always VHS, tits out!!!

Glasgow was brilliant and i didn't want to leave.




March Tour Newcastle

e
Newcastle surprised us both. It was a gorgeous day and we found a really sweet art gallery. We had a walk all the way round the city and down to the bridge before we tried to find the venue. It was a Sunday night and we weren't expecting much, but I was soon to be proven wrong. We found the venue and we were greeted by my new best friend, Jack, what a fucking guy. We loaded in and he said "Do you want to see upstairs" I thought he was into some freaky shit for second then he said it was where we were staying. A huge flat, loads of whisky, booze, food, beds, guitars, ukuleles and bongs. Shite dogs. We set up, watched some bands, got a little pissed, played a really great show, Harry played a slide solo stood on top of the bar while the crowd held his guitar. We stayed in the venue and partied to Bon Jovi for a bit before going upstairs for a really mint party with the promoter and everyone from the bar and some guy who wouldn't shut up about how he had worked with Sean Connery once.

The venue is called The End and Get Involved are the wonderful lads who put us on.

The next day we ate sausage and mash for £1.99 and then found the best record shop i have ever been in, ALT VINYL. Funniest shop assistant and best collection of records ever. We bought some Kid 606, Wooden Shjips, Dinosaur Jr, Aphex Twin and Dr Doom. Best collection of black metal and Detroit Techno I've ever seen. Word.


March Tour Middlesbrough

We got to Middlesbrough and Henry from Dartz! was putting the show on, hes a super nice guy and we played at Unlce Alberts. The venue was amazing and almost brand new and the we were the only band that played because the promoter had his head screwed on and his idea was "why put on 2 or 3 shitty local supports when no one wants to see them" pretty logical. So we played to a pretty packed out crowd and then headed over to Sunderland to get crunked with our boys who run Dirty Otter. We partied pretty hard and I got myself lost walking round Sunderland for an hour. We went back to a house party and Harry and I fell asleep in someones front room, cos we were so tired from rocking out and shit, but this girl sat in the corner of the room and watched us sleep all night, I kept waking up and she was just staring at us. We woke up in the morning and she just got up and siad have a good gig tonite, bye! WTF!!!!!!!!!!

Outside of Uncle Alberts
























Inside Uncle Alberts

March Tour Whitehaven



Even been to Whitehaven, course you haven't because its on the edge of nowhere, thats right not in the "middle" of nowhere, which is quite a popular expression, but on the "edge." Only the grimness of the Irish Sea in one direction and a world of shit in the other direction. This place was where they were supposed to film "The League Of Gentlemen" but the crew flat out refused because it was just too wierd. Thats a lie, but its wierd, truthfully. We played with Antarctic Monkeys, yep, you read it right, they were a covers band and there manager looked like Mickey from The League Of Gentlemen, he was a real life gypsy I think. The band were full of shame and self loathing for what they were doing and found it more so perculiar to be on a bill with a real life band who played their own songs, they even exlaimed "So you don't have ANY covers in your set?" yeah true story shit for brains.

One interesting fact about Whitehaven is that the "founder" of the good old US of A, George Washington, had a grandma and when she finally croaked she was burried in a church in Whitehaven that has palm trees. Harry and I walked round Whitehaven at night to try and get a real sense for the place. We saw a church upon a hill and the bells were ringing so we decided to walk up and have a look. All the way up this hill the church bells were ringing through the streets of Whitehaven, when we got up to the top of the hill I took one step into the grounds of the church, through the gates and the bells stopped. All we could hear was the sea. We walked into the church and no one was there, it seemed a little creepy so we decided to leave, we walked down the path from the church doors and I took one step out of the church grounds and the bells started ringing again. NO SHIT, really wierd stuff, sincerely.

March Tour Sheffield - Fuzz CLub

First date on our 6 date tour. Sheffield has always been good to us and this was no exception, we got our very own dressing room complete with a shower and a toilet which someone had taken the liberty of pissing in for us. We got a free hot meal, which never happens, and the lovely cretin in the kitchen went out of his way to put mustard all over my gourmet burger under the assumption that mustard is compulsary, cheers dick features, I hate mustard and now you and your shitty little face. We also got a crate of the shittiest beverage known to man, Carlsburg. Fan-fucking-tastic.

Harry and I went for a wander to find out what Sheffield Uni had to offer, we stumbled upon what I can only believe to be the Sheffield University's Bed Wetters Society. They were all sat about in this cafe playing on guitars and singing songs of hardship and shame of having the inabilty to keep the bed dry. It nearly brought a tear to my eye, but I told my self I wouldnt cry for these unichs. Needless to say we got the fuck out of there before we were asked to share stories of our adventures into the world of wet beds and played a rock and roll show.

We played with Baddies who I've been told are really good but we didnt stick around to find out.